Monday, June 05, 2006

Big Love

Obviously, this is some kind of cruel joke by the folks at HBO. The whole premise of this show is that polygamy is still being practiced under the radar in Utah and the practitioners are really good, decent people. Some would say that the show is a thinly veiled argument for polygamy, but if you watch it enough, you'd know better. "Big Love" wouldn't make you want one wife, much less three.
Granted, Jeanne Tripplehorne is the normal acting chick of the three, much in the same way that Marilyn is the normal one on the old "Munsters" TV show. The rest of the characters are just plain weird.
Take Chloe Sevigny (Nicki), who probably is hot otherwise, but looks like an Amish serial killer on the show. She makes you squirm everytime she's on the screen and this Hairy Carrot was quoted as using the word "creepy" at least four times.
The youngest of the three wives is okay, cute and innoncent enough. She kind of gets in the way more than anything, though.
You have to wonder what is so special and different about each of these women that makes the husband, played by Bill Paxton, feel so compelled to bring a new one on board. Seriously, what is Jeanne Tripplehorne not doing in the bedroom that constitutes marrying a psycho chick? Does Bill have a nutso fetish? Shit, man! What he really needs is a good drinking buddy to set his sorry ass straight.
Which brings us to another point. What the hell is wrong with this guy? He's puts up with three whiny bitches, supports them, pays their bills (Nicki's a credit card fiend), works his business and has power struggles with other polygamists. No wonder the poor bastard is praying all the time. He prayed before deer hunting, before a meeting, while talking with his brother and probably before taking a dump. Not that this is a stretch for Paxton. Check out "Frailty" for a real strange flick with some psycho-religious themes which make the Conservative Christians look like freakin' amateurs (and he directed it as well).
Bill obviously hasn't done normal guy stuff, like whistling at girls, going to a sports bar, watching porn and taking his son to a strip club. Therein lies the problem with the guy. He needs a little downtime with the guys, if nothing else, to realize how much estrogen has crept into his system by osmosis. He's turned into a wuss, and I'm sure this isn't what the early Mormons had in mind when they started the whole polygamy thing in the first place. Having multiple wives would make the men look virile and able to "service" all of his wives. And in their brains, anybody could put up with one wife, but it takes a real man to humor five or more.
There are solutions to the show's problems. First, a little more nudity would help. "All of these women, not enough frontal," was the way a friend expressed himself in a recent discussion. And yes, you can Google images of Chloe Sevigny nude.
Secondly, how about letting Bill have a menage a trois? Hell, he talked these bitches into going along with the whole monogamy crap in the first place, so it should be a natural progression up to "how about a threesome, Nicki. And if you want, we'll pray first."
All I'm saying is that HBO, the network that brought us "Hookers On The Point" and "Real Sex" could do more for my $9.95 a month. How about a show about lesbian polygamy? It may get the Bushies to squirm a little. Gay marriage plus multiple spouses equals RATINGS (as long as all of the chicks are hot).

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