Friday, June 30, 2006

Conservatism Vs. Erectile Dysfunction

Daryn Kagan, CNN's piece o' ass hottie newswoman, has, for some unknown reason, been dating Rush Limbaugh. This is interesting when you consider that he doesn't have enough lead in the pencil, if you know what I mean. You see, Mr. Conservative was detained last week for having viagra that was prescribed to his physician, who said he wrote the prescription in his name to avoid embarrassment for Mr. Limbaugh. Obviously, this plan didn't work, and now the whole world knows the frustration Ms. Kagan has endured.
Daryn, honey, if you need some lovin', come see the Hairy Carrot!
But Rush, with one talent that God evidently didn't loan him, has the same problem as fellow Republican, Bob Dole, and we suspect, other "members" of the GOP. Perhaps this is all the side effects of oxycontin, like temporary deafness. I bet Rush could get it up for the focus of his man-crush, George W. Bush. His adulation for the President borders on gay-ness, if that actually is a word.
"Daryn, I ran out of my blue pills. Could you put on the "W" mask and talk to me about family values until I can get Little Rush to stand at attention."
In a related story, a judge in Oklahoma (the center of liberalism) could get 4 years in prison for pulling his pecker out in the courtroom and using his penis pump, during trials. Former court reporter Lisa Foster said she witnessed Judge Donald D. Thompson expose himself at least 15 times in court. She even described the "sh-sh" sound she heard while listening to the testimony of the grandfather of a murdered toddler.
The Hairy Carrot received transcripts from another trial the judge was presiding over and we wanted to let you in on the fun.
Defense attorney: "Mr. Johnson, did you see the accused kill the victim."
Prosecutor: "Objection!"
Judge: "Huh? Er, on what grounds? Sh-sh-sh..."
Dude, get some batteries or a muffler for that thing!

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