Tuesday, June 20, 2006


If you grew up in the 1970's, you'll remember a television show called "Hee Haw". The show was full of dumb humor, one-liners, and my favorite, country music. It played to, what the politically correct call, "the salt of the earth" audience. Everyone else called them rednecks, but it in a way that even the rednecks weren't offended. Nowadays, we have something called Redneck Humor, nurtured by a guy whose catchphrase is "You might be a redneck if..." One example that is always left out is, "If you fuck your sister, then you might be a redneck." Perhaps that one is just too obvious.
Spawned from the hell of redneck comedy is a guy who goes by the moniker of Larry the Cable Guy. This guy is about 30 years too late for Hee Haw, and from the looks of him, you'd think there was absolutely no such thing as evolution.
He's got two catchphrases of his own. One is his "I don't care who you are, that's funny!" That one is for jokes that really aren't funny (a vast majority), but it's his lame way to encourage the audience to laugh at them anyway.
The other, more disturbing line is "Git-R-Done". Now, this one is pretty fucking prolific. I've heard some hot women say it and I've also seen it on the back of pickup trucks (go figure). Usually I look for lines from Shakespeare on the back of trucks, so you can empathize with my dismay.
The weird thing, I don't think anyone knows what the hell "git-r-done" is supposed to mean, but Larry and his fans repeat it like a mantra.
"I'm going to the beer store."
"I banged some chick with an STD."
It's as stupid as the mullet that Larry had in the 1980's when he performed under his real name, Dan Whitney. There's video of him all over the web doing his act, wearing khakis and acting less like a redneck and more like a yuppie wannabe. Git-r-done.
Idiots will just about say any peabrained shit that pops into their head. And when that dumb shit becomes popular, that's when you start hearing little girls playing Barbie and Ken says "git-r-done".
The Hairy Carrot has been thinking about it and has come up with his own catchphrase. "Eat some pussy!" defines the ideals I live for.
Larry and Hairy have several things in common. We both work under fake names (my momma didn't name this honky Hairy Carrot), we both had bad hair in the 80's, and now, we both have catchphrases that leave no room for doubt who we are and where we're coming from.
There are some differences, though. For instance, I'm really from the south, but he's from Nebraska. I quit telling fart jokes in fourth grade, yet Larry still serves them up like the professional he is. You get the point.
Just to recap, the Hairy Carrot nation needs to step up to the plate. Repeat after me - "Eat some pussy!"