Monday, July 17, 2006

Aunt Mary's In Our Midst

Have you ever heard of gay conservatives? Seriously, I didn't make it up. They even have their own group, the Log Cabin Republicans, named after Abe Lincoln's childhood home. Lincoln was the first Republican president, but I don't think he was gay.
Anyway, the Log Cabin, as they call themselves, is comprised of gay, lesbian and bi-sexual conservatives, who support most of the GOP agenda, with the obvious exception to all the non-gay stuff. You see, most conservatives don't support, much less care for, gay rights, such as marriage. Of course, the Republicans are more than happy to get votes from the Log Cabin members.
Gay and lesbians are all about getting married and shit. Why? I don't know. You'd think they'd be happy to have a way out of that nightmare. "Sorry, Bill, I can't marry you because the law says I can't." "Oh well, my loss," followed by snickers and chuckles. The American Bar Association should be positioning itself as pro-gay marriage, because they could make a mint on gay divorce cases, or even gay pre-nups.
Most gays and lesbians feel betrayed by the Log Cabin and even call them "Aunt Mary's", which I learned is the gay equivalent of Uncle Tom. The name game can get very confusing, as in, "Bill, I wouldn't go down on Jim because he's an Aunt Mary." See what I mean?
I personally don't have a problem with gay marriage, as long as both chicks are hot (okay, that one was cheap and easy). And there are too many other things to worry about, like war, gas prices, stock market woes, etc. But why does this bunch of gays support people that don't support them? It's like Neo-Nazi Jews. So I call on all Log Cabin Republicans to merge with the Fudge Packer Democrats or the Carpet Munching Libertarians or the Pole Smoking Green Party. One of these groups has to be a better political ally.
I truly suspect that there are some Republicans that are deep in the closet. For instance, if anyone has a man-crush on George W., it's got to be Rush Limbaugh. You know Rush thinks about George all the time, like when he's eating or doctor shopping or doing Daryn Kagan doggy style. What grown man defends every action of another grown man so much as to broadcast it everyday? I've mentioned it before, but George could get drunk and rape a bunch of nuns in public and Rush would blame it on the liberal media. Go ahead Rush, kiss him on the mouth. You know you want to.

1 comment:

incredipete said...

I wish they would ban straight marraige so I'd be able to use those excuses! Damn it. Equal rights for straight people!!!