Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Best Breakfast In Town

Recently, several people have asked me where to find a good breakfast. I tell them that the best breakfast is one you don't pay for.
Down the road from my place is a large hotel. From 6am to 10am, seven days a week, they prepare one of the finest breakfasts you'll ever have. Eggs, sausage, toast, bagels, fruit, cereal, coffee, orange juice and biscuits.
What's the cost of this spread? Not a damn thing! Sa-weet!
Okay, I know it's not what the hotel had in mind. The guests, who pay for the rooms, are also paying for the breakfast. That's fine. Now let's get back to reality.
The breakfast is built in as a cost. It's paid for if 50 people eat or only 2, and let's not forget, most food is perishable. Fruit does a funny thing when it's stored in a fridge for a few days.
The truth of the matter is that most people check in to a hotel in the early evening and an entirely different shift of employees comes to work in the morning. They don't know who has checked in, and frankly, they don't care. Do you really think the housekeeper gives a rat's ass if someone is mooching corn flakes? Me neither. As a matter of fact, the disgruntled staff sometimes encourages you to eat their breakfast. It's their way of "getting back at the man". Hell, I've seen some "regulars" a few times, and Shananay gives them a big smile. She's cool with that.
Here are some tips for a free breakfast:
1. Go in your pajamas, like you just crawled out of bed.
2. Park in the back of the establishment. Real guests don't go by the front desk.
3. Act like you're supposed to be there. Suspicious or guilty looks won't get you too far in life, especially in this environment.
4. Grab a paper to read.
5. If approached by a manager, make a comment about the lack of handicapped parking.
Living in a tourist/resort area makes a lot of hotels' continental breakfast accessible to everyone. So next time you're in town, let me know and I'll tell you where you can get the best "make your own" Belgian waffles.

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