Friday, July 07, 2006

The Millionaire Dick Next Door

If you're a fan of "Survivor", then you are probably already aware of the recent incident involving Brian Heidick, the winner of "Survivor: Thailand". The former soft-core porn actor and used car salesman, shot a puppy with an arrow recently because he thought it was a coyote harassing his pets. He was about to go for a second puppy when his wife, Charmaine, called the cops. The dumbass saw the cops, fled the scene and was quickly caught and returned to his home.
Douglas County Chief Deputy Stan Copeland said that was when he saw evidence in the home to support a charge of family violence. No word was given as to what the evidence was, but maybe there was an arrow in Charmaine's ass.
When you win a million bucks, it helps you become an asshole even quicker. The money also can buy better recreational drugs, like those that make puppies look like coyotes. I'll stick with my Beam and Coke and whatever else I can mooch off of my friends.
In a related story, North Korea's Kim Jong Ill fired several missiles on Tuesday, claiming his people were starving and "we heard there were some puppies we could nuke up. You call them Dachsund, we call them 'appetizer'."
Perhaps Brian Heidick and Kim should get together for a cookout. Heidick could get stoned, think Kim's a rabid bunny, and shoot an arrow into Kim. Of course, we'll need to tape the whole thing for YouTube.

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