Friday, September 15, 2006

The Raciest Survivor Of Them All

"Survivor", has gone to new lengths to revive its ratings by dividing the contestants along racial lines. I don't have a problem with this. In the past, the show has seperated the teams by sex. Most of the time, the black team members tend to hang out together anyway, just like real life.
One thing that struck me as interesting, though, was how annoying a bunch of honkies (the "Raro" tribe") can be when they're together. One dude actually stole a chicken from the Asian team, only to watch his teammate set it free. CBS must have edited out the "stupid bitch" comments that were exclaimed in unison around the world when she lifted the box that the bird was under. Like my papa always said, "Choke a chicken before some broad ruins your good time."
Actually, I don't even think the Hispanic ("Aitu") team auditioned for the show. They were probably standing on a corner looking for work when a pickup truck came by and carted their asses off to the Cook Islands.
"Puka", which obviously translates to "we can put a boat together faster than the rest of you" kicked everyone's ass in the challenge. They did this because Mr. Miyagi saved the day by curing his teammate's sinus headache. His technique - pulling the dude's septum out far enough to give him the Asian "Jaime Farr" look temporarily.
The black team, known as "Hiki", or as Snoop would say, "Shi-ziki", came in last in the challenge, thus having to vote one of their own off the island. Before they went, Hiki got to exile another contestant to Spank Island (hey, what would you do by yourself for two days with nothing but water and rice?). The highlight of the evening was when the funky soul brother chose "da guy dat stole da chicken". Turnabout being fair play, his team tossed his ass during tribal council. (Note: How come no two spellings of the names voted off were the same? ie, Sundra, Sondra, Seiko, Seku, Oh Say Can You See)
On a personal note, I called my bookie to find out the spread on the Honky victory, but got no response. And I've heard that the winner will challenge the lesbian Eskimos ("Klon-dykee") next season.
I'll keep you updated as the stupidity continues. In the meantime, we at the Hairy Carrot Institute will try to figure out why the tribes keep getting names that sound like vaginal infections.

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