Can you guess what that hard sucking sound is? No, it's not Chuck Amato's career at NC State, but you're close. It's the career of another stupid bastard, Michael Richards. He's the guy that went off on some black hecklers at a comedy club in Los Angeles last Friday night.
"You are a nigger!" he ranted over and over while the audience waited for a punchline. When they didn't get one, they realized the guy on the stage had gone nuts and was having a true meltdown. So what did the audience do while the guy is freaking out? Well, they videotaped him with their cellphones, of course. And with a good dose of commentary from the director of the video.
"Oh my god!" she gasped, as if to never heard the n-word before.
After become fodder for YouTube, Kramer found out what a bunch of shit he stepped into. His agent also saw his income dry up for the next ten years, so a magnificently choreographed publicity coup was staged on the Letterman Show (which still is much better than Leno, by the way).
What evolved was possibly the most awkward apology ever seen by man. Richards contorted and showed what a dork he really is by showing disgust in himself and the "crap I said". He even acknowledged that Letterman had poked fun at the incident, but it really wasn't something to joke about. He should have just cried like Jimmy Swaggart after he got busted for that "funny little whore" thing.
What surprised me was his lack of range when it comes to racial epithets. "You are a nigger!" isn't that original and shows his limits. For instance, he could have referred to the hecklers as any of the following: Coon, colored, blue gum, sambo, porch monkey or denyer of pussy eating. Afterall, they called him a "crackerass muthafucka". Shoe fits, dude.
During his apology, he cried, "But I'm not a racist." Really? He was spewing them out like a professional. Kind of like when the chick in the porno plays a virgin, but you know that real virgins don't suck dick and get ass fucked on the first date. Let's just say Richards gave himself away.
And speaking of apologies, Al Sharpton said that it wasn't good enough (none ever are) because it came on a "white show", referring in his own idiotic way to Letterman. The only thing that will make Al satisfied is when Richards serves Chris Rock's mama at the Cracker Barrel. And who the fuck died and elected Al "Crackhead" Sharpton president of the "Afro-americans" anyway?
I always liked the guy's work. How's about some predictions from the Hairy Carrot nation on where we'll see him 5 years from now. Post your thoughts in the comments section below.