Friday, November 17, 2006

Santa Visits The Geeks

For the last few days, or in some cases, weeks, losers everywhere have been camping out in front of electronic stores in eager anticipation of Sony's Playstation 3. Yippee!!! I'm sure there's an idiot stroking it right this second just considering having a new PS3.
And gamers everywhere finally have a reason for social interaction, even if it means telling a compatriot the most comfortable way to sleep on sidewalk.
Sony has scored the marketing coup of the year by having "production problems" which in effect means that there might not be enough machines to go around. Talk about drumming up demand, and in turn, lines around Circuit City.
But does an electronic store really want people sleeping in front of their store? Some might, if they want the publicity. A smart bum could kick ass if they played their cards right. For instance, set up camp in front of a store, and then auction off your place in line to the highest bidder. There's a lot of Thunderbird to be had, my homeless amigos.
Speaking of auctions, some of these folks have plans for their PS3 machines, like taking them home and putting them up for bid on Ebay. I'm all about making a profit, especially off of geeky guys and gals. And Ebay is the place to dump stuff people want. My theory on Ebay is that when you become the "winning bidder", you're actually the losing bidder. That's because you have agreed to pay more than anyone else thought the item was worth. Dumbass. Like that sandwich that had an image of the Virgin Mary on it. Oh yeah, that was worth thousands of dollars. All that did was entice asshole around the globe to put sandwiches on Ebay.
Back to our subject, these dorks that slept in front of Best Buy for days are the same dummies that won't wait 30 minutes to be seated at Outback for a lovely ribeye. Probably the same reason they can't get mates either. I guess speed dating is out of the question.
If you are one of these people that doesn't think you're life is completely fulfilled until you have the newest in electronic gaming, then let the Hairy Carrot give you some advice:
1. Get a life. You're a loser and Sony is playing you like a cheap violin.
2. Get laid. This might be impossible for you, given your "condition", but birds of a feather flock together and all that shit. You might actually be able to "hook up" with someone of the opposite sex without using cables.
3. If you must wait in line, make life as miserable as possible for those in line in front of you. Offer free beverages, like beer or coffee. Both make people piss a lot and have to leave the line. And be open to leaving turds in hard to find places. No one wants to smell your ass, even if a PS3 is 40 feet away.
4. Bring porno magazines to distract the others when the doors of the store actually open.
5. Remember, the only thing worse than a geek is a geek "wannabe". Leave the fucking comic books at home
Maybe this will help you out, but I seriously doubt it.

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