Friday, December 08, 2006

Christmas Is Great For Pranks

I really don't care for Christmas all that much. Actually, if they cut it back to once every five years, I wouldn't shed a damn tear. Everyone is so happy and joyful and shit, it makes me feel bad about screwing with their heads, but I do it anyway. So here are some cool ways to jerk those idiots around.
For example, I ship plenty of packages full of gifts to friends and family. On the outside of the package, write in large letters, "Are you still having those sexual fantasies about your letter carrier?" Boy, they'll get a kick out that one!
If you are unfortunate enough to work in a retail environment, the company usually wants some empty boxes gift wrapped to look like gifts and displayed throughout the store. Who says the boxes have to be empty? Put a piece of sandwich meat (ham, corned beef, etc.) inside the box before wrapping. After a week or so, an aroma will start to permeate through the store, and your co-workers will take a while before figuring out where it's coming from. Stinky gifts are the reason for the season.
Here's a great one if you enjoy small kids as much as I do. Go to the area in the mall where Santa is and tell the kids in line (you have to make sure parents aren't around) that old Kris Kringle keeps the "reindeer food" in the front of his pants. Remind the child that there are starving reindeer in Africa.
If you can come up with any other ideas, send them to me. It'll make the season a little brighter for all of us.

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