Saturday, January 06, 2007

(Happy) New Year

The year 2007 rolled in like a big smelly fart and, of course, all the festivities that came with it were right behind. Drunk driving checkpoints alone are reason enough to make you friends with a cop for one day out of the year. You just call them up around right after lunch on December 31 and ask where the checkpoints are "so I can avoid the traffic".
The last two New Years' we've had the special joy of watching Dick Clark mumble his way through the evening. "Ah can hahrdy wait fo do bahhhl to dwop, Wyan." And the cop thought I was fucked up. You just don't put a guy that has had a major stroke on television unless it's a documentary. And I don't give a shit if the guy owns the show or not.
The highlight for me is seeing the "tributes" to everyone that died the year before. There's always some sappy music and you're like "Damn, I didn't even know that asshole was sick!" I'll miss them all.
Speaking of the dead, how about James Brown's funeral? Whoopin' it up with a band and shit while the open casket is right there. I'm telling you, us honkies have a stick up our collective asses sometimes, and funerals are one of those times. The only thing missing was Kramer to put the "fun" in funeral.
In stark contrast was the week-long non-festivities that went with Gerald Ford's funerals. (Note the plural on funeral.) The family should have sold t-shirts with that world tour. There's only four more stops before they plant him.
Anyway, I really just wanted to bitch and moan a bit about idiots that make resolutions. Let's get this over with quickly. First, they don't get kept, and secondly, about 99 percent have something to do with losing weight. I don't give a shit if I drop the 35 much pounds needed to make my wiener look even bigger than it already does. So I'm going with the resolution I can keep: No more sex with underage girls from Prague. There's a commitment, bitches!
Happy New Year!

On a side note, I've managed to retain the services of a film reviewer who goes by the name of Willie B. Hardigan. Look on the blog for his insights and introspective view of the world.

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