Saturday, January 27, 2007

I Sold It On Ebay

For those of you who haven't had the joy of seeing "The 40-Year Old Virgin", the hot milf in the flick has an Ebay store where people take their crap and she sells it on Ebay for them. These stores do, in fact, exists, and they are for people like myself who really don't feel like taking the time to actually sell something on the auction site. Or the elderly who found some rare antique in their closet (like a strap-on used by Millard Fillmore) and don't know how to use a computer.
There is a lot of time and effort involved to sell something correctly. Let's say you have a printer that is no longer in production (perhaps a Canon BJ-85, perfect for a laptop!), but people would still like to have one. You can take a picture of it, write a long description of said printer(and the disc and cords and shit), and then dick around trying to find a price for it. All in all, you've spent at least an hour screwing around with this project when you could have been doing something more interesting, like watching some porn and playing Whack-A-Mole.
Or you could take the printer to the local Ebay store and let them do all the work in exchange for keeping a percentage of the sale. That's even easier than a UNC coed.
I, the Hairy Carrot, have a personal perspective on this deal. You see, I took a printer to an "I Sold It On Ebay" store, where it was listed and sold. That was back in December. It's almost February and I still haven't gotten my money. I called shortly after the auction was done and was told that the check would be in the mail within 30 days. I tried calling again, but the phone just rang. What the fuck! So this past week, I'm in that neck of the woods and decide to see these dickheads. To the surprise of absolutely no one, the place is shut down with a sheet of paper on the door saying the store is "temporarily closed" and there's a website to visit.
Now I'm getting pissed because there isn't even a phone number to call. I went to the business next door and the nice lady (firm titties) tells me that "their phone just rings all day. We hear it all the time."
So I get home, check on the website and learned that these stores are a ripoff to everyone involved, mostly the sap who bought the franchise. There was a section to fill out and leave a angry message, so I did.
A couple of hours go by and sure enough, I get a call from the owner of the store, who explains that the payments go to the home office, but they haven't sent him his part of the money in weeks. The poor fuck is going to have to get a lawyer to buttfuck these dicks, but according to the website, he may have to wait in line. Evidently, these stores are dropping like Bush's approval ratings.
So, my life lesson for you is this: don't sell your shit at an Ebay store. And if you see one, go in and tell the guy working in there to get the hell out because he's going to get fucked in the ass and they won't even kiss him on the mouth first. And if you see my printer, send it back to me. -HC

1 comment:

What kids always want said...

I called our I sold it on eBay store here. They said they wanted 40% of the commisions from whatever I sold. It was easier for me to sell my own things!