Monday, April 30, 2007

24 - Revisited

If you haven't been watching "24" this season, now is the time to jump in. You see, the terrorists who had nukes (and lit the fuse on one) have been caught, and with plenty of time for the show's writing staff to change the story completely to a new plot line. With 4 (or is it 5?) hours left in the day/season, our hero Jack Bauer has discovered that his main squeeze (painfully played by Kim Raver) was being held captive by the Chinese. He managed to get her released, but only by giving away Russia's nuclear secrets.
Ms. Raver quit the show last year to be in her own show, which was mercifully cancelled after the Discovery channel's documentary on a 450 pound turd killed it in the ratings. So "24" took her back. Her character, Audrey Raines, has had her brains scrambled by her Chinese torturers, which is going to make Jack extra motivated, since he obviously still wants to tap that ass and she's in no condition to put up a fight.
In this season's story, Jack has been freed by the Chinese himself (see "irony"), chased Arab terrorists, single handledly assaulted the Russian embassy, killed his partner, tortured his brother, been accused of killing his brother (his dad did it), got a boner for his sister-in-law and had a sit-down with the President. All of this, mind you, without once stopping to piss or take a shit. This explains the look on his face all the time - he's cheeking it.
Meanwhile, the Vice President has taken over the for the President, who is in a coma. Some may say that this is the scariest scenario of all, but this is fiction, not real life.
On a personal note, I think it's a hoot watching Ricky Schroeder of "Silver Spoons" fame as a badass federal agent. No longer "Rick", he's managed to torture/interrogate one of his co-worker's, only to find out she was innocent in the first place.
Some folks out there are saying that this show has gone too far with some torture scenes, and that's giving the green light to our troops in the field. So, honestly, what's the problem with that?

Friday, April 20, 2007

NBC Gave Us A Cho Job

This week, a Korean national named Cho with mental problems decided to take out a bunch of his fellow students at Virginia Tech. I knew the ACC was a tough conference, but shit.
After shooting up the place, Cho made the only rational decision of the day and shot himself. Great. You saved us the time and expense of having to put you on trial. But what did this sneaky shit do? He mailed a "manifesto" of sorts to NBC, who received the package two days after the carnage. No word on if he used FedEx or the U. S. Postal service, but I'm sure there's an endorsement deal that just went up in smoke.
I turned on the television Wednesday evening to see images of this guy with guns pointing at the camera and the news guy is saying how disturbing it must be to the students and victims' families to see this prick's message from "beyond the grave". Hey dickhead, nobody said you had to show it! And it went on and on and on.
The next day, NBC was under fire for being the whores they are and milking this crap for every dime of advertising dollars they could get.
So here's the deal. The next time some dick decides to shoot a bunch of people, he can send his message to NBC (or other media outlets) and be assured that they'll do the irresponsible thing and show it. I just wish they'd show Don Imus put a bullet in his head after he shoots off his mouth.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Don Imus - Dumbass

We all know what a dipshit Don Imus is. The guy isn't that great of a radio "personality" to begin with, much less a star. But don't tell his stupid fans this. For those of you not informed in such matters, Imus basically got his start being a "shock jock" after Howard Stern more or less invented the art form. Stern also kicked the ass of the I-man in the ratings, while Don was busy being a cokehead.
So after his comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team over a week ago, and having to hear everyone pontificate on talk radio and television, I feel compelled to thrown in my two cents worth.

First, who in the hell appointed Rev. Al and Rev. Jesse to be the judge, jury and executioner of anything that offends blacks. Rev. Al has had no credibility since the Tawana Brawley case. Everytime I see that brother, he pisses me off, including the whole thing with Chris Rock's mama at the Cracker Barrel in Murrells Inlet, SC. Come on, Al. They gave the lady free gift certificates, she redeemed them for God's sake, and she still thinks she a victim. Fuck you, Al.

Then there are the rappers who have made it okay to use terms like "hos" and "bitches". Look, my bruthas, I know they can be bitches, but now you should be have your feet to the fire. But don't blame Ice Cube. This former badass rapper has rehabilitated his image. He's currently on a promotional tour of his new family film, "Is It In Yet?" (or sump'n like dat). Ice was a member of NWA or Niggaz With Attidudes in his former gangsta life. Nowadays, he's a movie star pushing his films on "Ellen".

Two weeks ago the girls from Rutgers didn't know who the hell Imus was. They were better off.

If he had been talking about a team of white girls and referred to them as "whores", would it have made a difference? Probably not.

Where is the outrage when Limbaugh, Michael Savage and other conservative talk show hosts make comments like this? Reverend Al won't go there though, proving that you don't have to eat pussy to be one.

Frankly, I didn't like Imus' show, mainly because I like MSNBC's news shows, and their female anchors are kind of hot (not like that skank on FOX or Soledad). So I'm glad he's gone. Now shut the hell up about it before he makes his comeback.

Extra info: Where the hell is Willie B. Hardigan? If you see him, let him know we still care and want him home.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The Circus Is In Town

A couple of weeks ago, I received some free tickets to see the circus (no, not "The Greatest Show On Earth") and since it's been years since I've gone to a circus, I thought it'd be a hoot to see what was under the big top.
I was really expecting to see a lot of old people wanting to recapture their lost memories. After all, it is Myrtle Beach. In the winter months, these mall walking bastards are everywhere, but I guess a lot of them have gone back to where ever they came from in the first place.
Instead of seniors, I got senoras. Mexicans. Wall to wall. And they were the performers. With the exception of the Ringmaster, his equally disturbing female co-hostess, and the Asian acrobats, just about everyone was from South of the Border, and I don't mean the horribly cheesy spot on I-95.
(I just have to say that the co-ringmaster or whatever the hell her title was could have been almost attractive. However, wearing her prom dress was an odd choice at best, and she looked eerily like that scary chick from the Squirrel Nut Zippers.)
The motorcycle stunt riders, the horseback riders, the trapeze artists, the clowns and most of the audience were latinos. Nothing against them, honest. But holy shit, they're a prolific bunch.
In the category of "nicest ass" there was a tie between two of the trapeze artists and Serena, the human canonball. Serena, who was allegedly from the Ukraine, unfortunately had a face sent the clowns screaming, but what a nice hynie. And my lovely free seat was in the end zone, where I could scope the trapeze chicks on their perch from behind. What a view!
So, if you have a chance to catch this show, get your free ticket and head down to Murrells Inlet. And if you want to have some fun, wear a baseball hat with "INS" on it and try to scalp green cards. Ole!

Follow up: Florida won the NCAA b-ball championship last night for the second year in a row. I'm sure the Ohio St. fans are wondering what the hell is going on since they got beaten badly by Florida for the football championship earlier in the year.