Thursday, May 24, 2007

Da Momo

Last week, those of us fortunate enough to live in the Myrtle Beach area survived another Harley Bike week. Ten days of motorcycles that made too much noise. I always hear how it's so great for the local economy, but I have to tell you the truth. I've lived here 18 years and have never made a buck from a biker. Many of the people I know can say the same. Who makes their money from bikers? Motels and restaurants, that's who. Since I'm not part of either industry, I don't feel obligated to be nice or grateful to these people.

And you know, I don't think it's my responsibility to "triple-check" my mirrors when I'm driving either. Screw that. If you don't want to get hit, quit going in and out of lanes at 60 mph.

All of this leads to the Memorial Day weekend, aka Black Biker weekend or "da Momo". Local hoteliers tell of getting reservations for "da momo" throughout the year. Boy, we're lucky!!

So again, I've never profited from these guys and gals either. But you can help. We at Hairy Carrot are looking for a suitable date for "Hug a Honky" day. Personally, I think the Tuesday after "da momo" is appropriate, while others think it should be before the bike rally. So we ask for your input. Let us know.

In the meantime, I'll be sipping on gin and juice, eating some fried chicken and waiting for the Grand Marshall of the festival, Don Imus, to help us come together as one big family.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Hooray, The Bikers Are Here!

If you live anywhere near the Grand Strand, you know how much fun May can be. Personally, I can hardly contain my emotions this time of year. With hundreds of thousands of motorcycles roaring up and down the road, it sure is a great time to live here.

For the past seven or eight days, some of the coolest people I've ever seen breeze in and out of traffic, seemingly with no regard for the others in automobiles. Of course, there have been a few accidents (84 at last count) and even a few fatalities (3, and the over/under this year is 7), but gosh darn it all, it's all fun.

There are some things that confuse me though. Why, for example, when it's hot outside, do people go to the beach, wear lots of leather and ride up and down the road, where it's even hotter? You're at the beach! Go to the beach. Get in the damn water and cool off. Shit, you can ride around in Pennsylvania if that all you want to do. It's cool there, just like you.

And as you probably know, this is Harley week. Attended predominantly by a bunch of honkies, it's a stark contrast to next weekend, known in these here parts as "black biker week", unofficially, I might add. I love it when some idiot tries to distinguish the two by claiming that the Harley riders are "professionals, lawyers and doctors". As an open minded kind of guy, I went through the parking lot at both locations of Dog House, Suck Bang Blow and HB Spokes. There are definitely more "doctors and lawyers" in prison than at these spots. Trust the Carrot on this one.

But overall, I'm glad they're here. I like loud noise and I want to go to their hometowns and return the favor. Who needs sleep anyhow? And I really enjoy waiting twice as long for a table on Mother's Day. So does mom. Just because it's her day, doesn't mean she can't be inconvenienced.

So next week, let's all remember the veterans who gave their lives for this country by watching some big asses on bikes and throwing back some forties. Memorial Day wouldn't be the same.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Where Willie B. At?

I'm calling out to all of the Hairy Carrot universe for help. Our little Willie B. Hardigan has gone missing and we miss him something awful. We miss his sarcasm, reviews of TV shows, and especially the way he farts when he laughs.

I've checked every milk carton in the store, but no pictures of Willie B. anywhere. Don't take this as a "dis" Willie. We just figured you'd surface by now.

So please, Willie, if you can read this, get in touch with us. Write a blog even. You know what to do, so do it. And we won't ask where you've been or why the police keeping wanting to question you about an incident with an underaged girl. By the way, is that THE Chris Hansen, from NBC News that's always asking about you? If so, could you get us his autograph?