Friday, June 29, 2007

Mid-Year Carrot Conference

Sorry, but the Carrot has been "indisposed" for the last few weeks. First of all, there was the Mid-Year Carrot Conference 2007. What's that? You've never heard of the Carrot Conference, you say?

The Carrot Conference is held at least once a year (per the bylaws) and usually somewhere near one of our many distribution centers so we can write it off our taxes. Also, we can get drunk and crash in the warehouse. To avoid drunk driving charges, find a cop and make him or her your best friend. Meet the cop's friends. Then, leave some sort of contraband in their home.

The list of speakers was by far the best we have in a while. The Baron unveiled the new design for the "Honkies for Obama" shirts. Get your orders in while he's still a candidate! Chris Benoit gave a stirring speech on family values and Paris Hilton showed us (via satellite from jail) how to take a dump in front of a lot of people.

Speaking of Paris, I was really moved when she got out of jail last week. It was reminiscent of other people leaving jail/prison, like Martin Luther King Jr and Nelson Mandela.

So, I'm getting back into the swing of things. First off, I'm going to send a posse to find Willie B.

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