Saturday, January 05, 2008

2007 - The Year In Review

It's 2008 already. Boy, did time fly! Alas, the obligatory "Year In Review" blog is here, so hunker down for the recap.

The big news of the year was the sudden and almost unexpected death of Anna Nicole Smith. Like we didn't see that train wreck coming. The buxom and usually sedated former Playboy gal showed us that dreams could come true, especially if your dream was to go from trailer trash to punchline in 10 years flat. I'll always remember her as the lady that married the old dude and then went to the Greek Isles with another, much younger guy for her "honeymoon". Class act all around. Of course, at her death, a revolving door of guys came forth claiming to have been the guy in the room during the conception of her infant daughter. Like we used to say in college, guys were double parking their dicks on her ass waiting their turn. We'll miss her.

A bridge in Minnesota collapsed, killing several. The obvious knee jerk reaction was to quickly inspect all the other bridges and have politicians call for money to repair them all. Unfortunately, we can't, because we're too busy repairing the bridges we blew up in Iraq. Score another point for George W. on that one.

Speaking of politicians, a gaggle of these assholes came out of the woodwork for the presidency about a year too early. Hillary Clinton, a Democrat who votes with the Republicans on the side of war, said that she's the candidate of change. I don't get it, but neither will she.

Fred Thompson, the haggard old politician/actor who always looks like a president, was convinced to run by his drinking buddies. He doesn't seem to have his heart into it, though. You can't blame the guy. He's old and has a hot young wife. Let's see, put up with political crap or take a couple of Viagras and bang the lass. You figure it out.

Along the same lines, we had an anti-gay Senator try to get some dick in an airport men's restroom. I know a guy that got drunk in a bar and banged a girl in the john, but trying to make a first impression while pinching one off is just bad taste.

Love came in many forms last year. NASA has a female astronaut/stalker who put on a diaper and drove for hours to confront her lover's wife. Too many jokes, not enough time.

Michael Vick ended his career by doing what every Asian chef wants to do, kill a dog. Okay, so Michael didn't cook and serve the dog, but I just wanted to get that in there. My bad.

Of course, my favorite item was the emergence of the 2 Girls 1 Cup video. Now this is what the internet was built for. And along with it, comes the plethora of "reaction videos" on YouTube and the sequels. For instance, 2 Girls 1 Finger was deserving of an Oscar. These are not the ladies I would kiss on the mouth, but hey, different strokes and all that shit.

Then there is that Cho asshole that shot up Virginia Tech, the South Carolina college students that got killed in a housefire in Ocean Isle, NC, and assorted missing college females that turned up dead. Let's face it - 2007 was not a good year for higher education.

I'm sure I didn't touch on everything, just the important stuff. Enjoy the New Year and remember that the Chinese calendar has 2008 as the Year of the Hairy Carrot!