Sunday, February 17, 2008

Internet Games

We're all familiar with the internet games that come with our computers. Checkers, backgammon and the rest. Have you ever played these things? If so, then you know what a bunch of little pricks are out there.

I won't go into too much detail, but needless to say people are weasels. They'll quit playing if they're losing, or worse, just sit there and not move, take their turn or whatever, so you'll quit from boredom. Take an ass whipping like a man.

The worst of all are the Yahoo Games. They're rated, and of course, so are the players. If you're new to a game and you would like to practice, they don't want you, so you get "booted" from all the good tables. For instance, say you're really good at backgammon, but you've never actually played on Yahoo, you're lack of a record would make people not want to play you (if that makes sense). It's the same logic of ACC basketball teams not wanting to play the mid-majors. A loss hurts more than a win helps. It's a lose-lose scenario, just like the obvious social skills of these players.

Screw good sportmanship!!

Friday, February 01, 2008

Domino's And Their Gay-Ass Doorhangers

Domino's Pizza, those pie-delivering pizza experts, have always been known for the inventive advertising schemes. Remember little "Noid" fucker? I hated that creepy turd from the start and always thought he should have tortured like a terrorist for my enjoyment.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I found an doorhanger hanging around my knob. (How it got there, I'll never tell.) On it was printed something to the effect of "I'm still in the shower. I didn't think you'd be here so fast." The message here was clear. Domino's delivery is so fast at bringing you a delicious sausage and black olive on a hand tossed crust that you shouldn't make any plans for the next 30 minutes or so.

Is this really a big problem for them? Do people plan their personal hygiene around the downtime of waiting for food to be delivered? And does their delivery staff become less efficient because they are on porches waiting for doors to be answered while the customers are toweling off? Obviously, the answer is yes, because Domino's went to the trouble of printing a lot of these things up and sticking them on everyone's door.

This made me think of other door hangers that could be printed, or handwritten, just for the person bringing my pizza to read.

"Hang on a sec. I'm trying to jerk off."
"Never mind the blood. The last delivery guy copped an attitude about the shitty tip I gave him."
"Why are you charging me $11 for something that costs you 75 cents to make?"
"I know you're there, but if you ring the doorbell one more time, I'm going to hang you up like the dude from INXS."
"Why can't you guys ever get my order right?"
"The Papa John guy said you like to swallow."

The possibilities are endless. So think of your own and let me know what you come up with. And enjoy that delicious deep dish crust.