Friday, February 01, 2008

Domino's And Their Gay-Ass Doorhangers

Domino's Pizza, those pie-delivering pizza experts, have always been known for the inventive advertising schemes. Remember little "Noid" fucker? I hated that creepy turd from the start and always thought he should have tortured like a terrorist for my enjoyment.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I found an doorhanger hanging around my knob. (How it got there, I'll never tell.) On it was printed something to the effect of "I'm still in the shower. I didn't think you'd be here so fast." The message here was clear. Domino's delivery is so fast at bringing you a delicious sausage and black olive on a hand tossed crust that you shouldn't make any plans for the next 30 minutes or so.

Is this really a big problem for them? Do people plan their personal hygiene around the downtime of waiting for food to be delivered? And does their delivery staff become less efficient because they are on porches waiting for doors to be answered while the customers are toweling off? Obviously, the answer is yes, because Domino's went to the trouble of printing a lot of these things up and sticking them on everyone's door.

This made me think of other door hangers that could be printed, or handwritten, just for the person bringing my pizza to read.

"Hang on a sec. I'm trying to jerk off."
"Never mind the blood. The last delivery guy copped an attitude about the shitty tip I gave him."
"Why are you charging me $11 for something that costs you 75 cents to make?"
"I know you're there, but if you ring the doorbell one more time, I'm going to hang you up like the dude from INXS."
"Why can't you guys ever get my order right?"
"The Papa John guy said you like to swallow."

The possibilities are endless. So think of your own and let me know what you come up with. And enjoy that delicious deep dish crust.

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