After a month and a half of technical difficulties, I'm back on the air. I knew you bitches couldn't keep your panties from getting into a wad, so I figured out the problem. Actually, I blame Google. There, I said it.
For some reason, the stress in my life was keeping me awake last evening, so around 3am I gave up trying to sleep and decided to surf a bit on the web. To my amazement, I ran across a "video" of Artie Lange quitting the "Howard Stern Show", which was actually an audio recording of the incident. In a nutshell, Artie got pissed at his personal assistant and, after what sounded like a muffled clusterfuck, Stern said that his behavior was unacceptable. Artie offered to quit and Stern took him up on it, with comments like "Wow, that was horrible" and shit like that. Of course, Robin Quivers (a last name that belongs in quadraplegic porn) had to throw her two cents in as well.
The best part was Stern and Artie exchanging "I love you"'s to each other throughout the ordeal. As painful as it was for these two homo sounding jerkoffs, it was even worse for me. I'd rather listen to Hillary Clinton explain how she "mis-spoke" her bullshit than this excuse for entertaining radio. And of course, the New Jersey weenie boys calling in their expression of sympathy for Stern gave me an instant understanding why the state needs to be quarantined.
Frankly, people with no lives are actually following this as if another Kennedy was assassinated. Get the hell over it, dickheads. Artie Lange's brightest career moment was, and will forever be, his "lardass gets the girl" flick, "Beer League". Rent it and watch the slug's movie career peak.