Saturday, May 10, 2008

Hard Suck Park

Well, the bikers (Harley version) are on their merry little way to Myrtle Beach again so I can expect to have lots of noise and traffic. Us locals watch the news updates to see how many fatalities we'll incur. The over/under is 6.

And these bikers will have something new to experience this year, though. The Hard Rock Park has opened and reviews are mixed, and that's being very nice. Here is a list of some comments I've heard lately.

1. The employees are less than cordial. My sources have noted that some are taking the whole "rock star" persona on a little too much. Okay, I can understand these idiots are working at Disney, but do they have to badger little kids into playing midway games?

2. The price is too high. Again, it's not Disney, but at the same time, Carowinds is a lot bigger and better and cheaper.

3. You have to pay for certain attractions like the rock climbing wall. This just goes right into the WTF file. If I dropped $50 to get in, I'm not giving you more money to climb a wall.

4. The park will have big name acts, like the Eagles, but you have to pay extra to see these shows. How about giving season ticket holders a break on this? Most season ticket holders are locals and you could show some love. Of course, like every other bunch of assholes that comes to town and starts up some attraction, these jerkoffs don't understand that the locals will tell everyone how much you suck when you piss them off. I've seen it too many times in the past. Treat the locals like dirt and you'll be out of business in under 5 years. Trust me on this one.

5. The other customers are scumbags. How about a dress code? Sorry, but these are the same yahoos that thought the Pavillion was fantastic and "citified".

6. A ride still isn't operating. The RPM rollercoaster is a first of its kind that combines a ferry wheel and a roller coaster, so I'm going to give some slack on this one. It actually looks pretty cool, but it's not up to speed. Test it on some of the employees first.

Personally, I'll hang back, let this shit work itself out and then I might go. Of course, I'd rather sit on the beach, drink my beer and watch girls in bikinis instead.