Saturday, October 18, 2008

Barack Obama Is The Tiger Woods Of Politics

I've tried my hardest to stay out of the political stuff here lately, mainly because I'm kind of sick of hearing about it all. At work, at bars, and everywhere in between, someone is bitching about Obama or McCain or Bush or congress, etc. The weird part is that no one is gung-ho for anybody. They're just pissed at the choices.

Obama has reaffirmed what I've known all along - that white people like their black people non-threatening, light skinned and articulate. Let's face it, as popular as Snoop Dog is, even the black people wouldn't elect him to office. At least no more than Eminem would get the honky vote! And there are too many similarities to Tiger Woods to mention here, but the short list is the obvious. Both are interracial, went to good schools and worked their asses off to get where they are. Let that be a lesson to you know-it-all punks.

Then there is McCain. I've always liked the guy. For some reason, the Bushies don't like war veterans, unless they are from a war that the Bushies started. McCain and John Kerry both have their faces on dartboards in the Oval Office. And the fact that his wife is a beer heiress is just too sexy. How about Cindy and Sarah Palin in some hot "girl-on-girl" action.

Speaking of Palin, the "McCain/Milf" signs sum it up for me. In her defense, she wasn't prepared for limelight. However, that doesn't mean squat to the owners of Club Paradise Men's Club in Las Vegas. These politically astute businessmen have arranged for a Palin lookalike contest including a debate segment. For those of you planning on attending, please bring $2 bills for insertion in the g-strings. The economy is weak, you know.

For a good and very tasteless laugh, click here. You've been warned.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Don't Be That Guy

A friend of mine was lamenting last week that the economy had gotten so bad he was planning to purchase a scooter to save money on gas. I guess he didn't notice that the only thing good in this economy was that gas prices were dropping like the abstinence rate during Spring Break.

Of course my reply was that everyone would think he had a couple of DUI's. Why? Because those idiots that drive mopeds on busy roads and back up traffic have lost their licenses due to drinking and driving offenses. In other words, they continue to use bad judgement.

So, just remember. When you see that dude going 25mph in a 50mph zone, yell at him. Tell him to sober up. Point your finger. What's he going to do, catch up to you and beat your ass? Much like the "Scarlet Letter", shame him into sobriety and off the road. It's called "hitting bottom" and it's the only thing that will help the person.