Thursday, June 03, 2010

Gulf Coast Lover

Below is a public service message from BP:

Baby, you and me got a problem. Remember the other night when I was making sweet love to you and you said "Pull it out!" at the top of your lungs? Well, I did, but something happened that I never expected.

My rig toppled over just like we thought it would when I'm done, but damn if it wasn't the gusher of the century. Hell, I'm still getting that nut and there ain't enough "quicker picker up" towels around to clean up that mess. We're talking gooey mess everywhere, even on wildlife.

Just bear with me until August. That's all I ask from you.

Oh yeah, one more thing. I want my life back.

You can follow us on Twitter @BobbyBimbo

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Conan Hates Cynicism

I know I should have posted this a week ago, but I just wasn't in the mood. To be honest, I was mourning the inevitable death of J.D. Salinger. Amazing how idiots who never heard of the guy are upset at his passing. Same bunch that cried for Syd Barrett and had no idea who he was either.

Last week, Conan O'Brien lost the "Tonight Show" after an ugly battle with NBC. Why did he lose the show? Because Letterman was kicking his ass in the ratings, that's why! Nothing against Conan. He's a funny guy, but he wasn't getting the job done.

The weird part was Jay Leno (who's own show was sucking hard in the ratings) acted like he was taking one for the team and agreed to come to the rescue and take the "Tonight Show" back. The even weirder part was how many numbnuts came out of the woodwork to take sides. Who gives a happy shit?

Conan, being a man of wealth and taste, gave a nearly tear jerking speech on how NBC had been his home for all of these years and yes, they have differences. Boo fucking hoo. But the best part was his baby tongue-lashing to his audience because he doesn't like cynics or the evil they do. Give me a break, Coco! It's easy for a guy who just got a $45 million payout to not be cynical.

So for everyone who got emotionally attached to this uninteresting soap opera, my advice is to be cynical. Take Conan off of your Facebook profile pic and worry about something that does affect your life, like proposed beer taxes.